Reasons Wal-Mart is evil
Today, Roommate and I went to Wal-Mart because I had a gift card with some money left on it and seeing that we're pretty poor, we need all the help we can get. Even if it means getting horribly lost and following completely incorrect directions AND dealing with Wal-Mart. See, there's one reasonably close that I know how to get to but it doesn't sell groceries and we needed groceries. It took about an hour to find it and the damn store is about fifteen minutes from the house. I wish I could say I'm kidding. But I'm not kidding, so I can't say that.
That is reason #1 Wal-Mart is evil. Reason #2? They have some ridiculously low prices. Such as the strawberries we bought today. They were .97 for each little plastic container. NINETY-SEVEN CENTS. Huge, beautiful, perfect strawberries for so cheap. How could we pass that up? I felt so guilty as we picked out the two containers with the best strawberries. I actually said, "And how many Mexicans did you screw to get these strawberries, Wal-Mart?!?" Roommate replied with, "All of them." So we put our strawberries in the cart and went on to buy some canned goods, motor oil, tupperware, and bubble bath.
Which brings me to reason #3. Shopping at Wal-Mart can make even a reasonable grouping of items suddenly seem like the most Whiskey Tango grouping ever created. Canned goods, motor oil, tupperware, and bubble bath?! The only way we could've made it even more Whiskey Tango would've been to buy a rake and/or shovel, a frosted cake with little John Deere toy tractors adoring the top, and some fishing lures.
Remember how badly I wanted Taco Bell? Well, I got it today and when we ordered the food (drive-thru), I thought the person on the other end was a man. It was, in fact, a woman. A woman who sounded like she smoked ten packs a day and washed them down with a couple of bottles of Jack Daniels. I got my TB fix and a soda even though I've decided to swear off soda for good because drinking it makes me feel really gross now. This getting old business is not for me.
That is reason #1 Wal-Mart is evil. Reason #2? They have some ridiculously low prices. Such as the strawberries we bought today. They were .97 for each little plastic container. NINETY-SEVEN CENTS. Huge, beautiful, perfect strawberries for so cheap. How could we pass that up? I felt so guilty as we picked out the two containers with the best strawberries. I actually said, "And how many Mexicans did you screw to get these strawberries, Wal-Mart?!?" Roommate replied with, "All of them." So we put our strawberries in the cart and went on to buy some canned goods, motor oil, tupperware, and bubble bath.
Which brings me to reason #3. Shopping at Wal-Mart can make even a reasonable grouping of items suddenly seem like the most Whiskey Tango grouping ever created. Canned goods, motor oil, tupperware, and bubble bath?! The only way we could've made it even more Whiskey Tango would've been to buy a rake and/or shovel, a frosted cake with little John Deere toy tractors adoring the top, and some fishing lures.
Remember how badly I wanted Taco Bell? Well, I got it today and when we ordered the food (drive-thru), I thought the person on the other end was a man. It was, in fact, a woman. A woman who sounded like she smoked ten packs a day and washed them down with a couple of bottles of Jack Daniels. I got my TB fix and a soda even though I've decided to swear off soda for good because drinking it makes me feel really gross now. This getting old business is not for me.
posted by Absurdity at
8:23 PM
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