Gathering dust

Two years ago, I bought a pair of 4 1/2 inch chunky-heeled strappy black shoes. They were on sale and look fabulous and before I even left the store, the destiny of the shoes had been decided. Two years and the only time I've worn these shoes has been when people are over and I want to show them how ridiculously tall I am in them. With every passing day, the destiny of the shoes slips away. Currently, the shoes are in the closet buried under a pile of dirty clothes. Of the few pairs of shoes I moved across country, these are the most important. But what good will these shoes do me here in North Carolina? The destiny can't unfold here. These shoes will not be worn in North Carolina. They are strictly California shoes.

I don't want to spoil anything for those who watch Grey's Anatomy but haven't seen tonight's episode, but I couldn't stop crying after that one part in the stairwell. You know which one I mean. It made me angry and it made me feel like throwing the shoes into the nearest garbage can. What kind of foolish destiny did I wish for? Who wants to go through that? I know how the world works. I'm not an idiot; I know how the world works. Certain people pair with certain people. Did I honestly think an A would mesh with a K? It doesn't work that way. I'm strangely okay with that. When I am finally at a place in my life where I can adopt a baby, I have someone who will help me raise it. I will never be alone because I do have, in a way, my life partner. I don't need a man to complete me and I don't need a man to validate my existence or to get the things I want out of life (love, happiness, babies). The thing that disappoints is that I've never looked in a man's eyes and seen love. That's the rub. That's it.

Well, that and the fact that I will never get to wear those fabulous shoes and watch his eyes pop out of his head.