Sad Bastards 'R' Us
Tonight on the way home I discovered that my writing/thinking/boo-hoo cd has lost its charm, so I'm in the process of setting up a new one. It isn't hard; most of my library consists of good sad bastard music. Well, that's not true. Most of my music library consists of crap...I just listen to the same range of 100 songs (approx.) each time I open iTunes, so it just seems like my collection is awesome. Sadly, I'm passing on Trespassers William's Just Like This, a beautiful song that holds a lot of meaning to me, because I've come to realize that TW should be reserved for candle light and red wine. Or the middle of the night, weaving through your dreams.
You know what's sad? That I only have two mini Reese's peanut butter cups left. I'm such a whore for these things. No chocolate and peanut butter combination compares.
So. I recently (as in last night) more or less made a pretty big decision that I can't let you in on. I'm mean, I know. I'm not going to tell you until I know for sure that it will work out. I have to suck it up and talk to my boss soon so he doesn't suddenly realize that...things have changed. Not to worry; it's good change.
Last peanut butter cup! Oh! Melting in my mouth! So good!
So much on my mind, so much on my mind. Have you ever felt with every fiber of your being that it's going to happen? That everything good and wonderful is going to happen and that you're just going to burst into a million little pieces of nervous energy waiting? I love that feeling and I hate that feeling because I can't trust it. I just can't.
The feeling, by the way, is closely related to that clawing, desperate feeling that overwhelms you when a situation is completely and utterly out of your hands.
I am so rambling right now.
My boss has surprisingly big feet. He's so funny when he'll allow himself to let go for a moment. He gave me something yesterday and told me that he was a good boy about writing something on the form. Or something. It was cute. And he also has the habit of saying "I" or "we" when he really means "you" (as in I'll be doing whatever it is he says "we'll" be doing) and he laughs when he does it because he feels bad for handing off menial crap to me. I don't mind. It keeps me busy. Though sometimes I think he laughs because I so readily accept the job, no matter how tedious (?). Which then makes me think he thinks I'm dumb. Which sets off a whole new set of insecurities I've developed since starting this job. I mean, seriously. I'm about as insecure as I've ever been at a job. I don't really know my coworkers very well, there are too many awkward pauses and silences, and I don't know anything (comparatively speaking).
Rambling. Must shut up.
You know what's sad? That I only have two mini Reese's peanut butter cups left. I'm such a whore for these things. No chocolate and peanut butter combination compares.
So. I recently (as in last night) more or less made a pretty big decision that I can't let you in on. I'm mean, I know. I'm not going to tell you until I know for sure that it will work out. I have to suck it up and talk to my boss soon so he doesn't suddenly realize that...things have changed. Not to worry; it's good change.
Last peanut butter cup! Oh! Melting in my mouth! So good!
So much on my mind, so much on my mind. Have you ever felt with every fiber of your being that it's going to happen? That everything good and wonderful is going to happen and that you're just going to burst into a million little pieces of nervous energy waiting? I love that feeling and I hate that feeling because I can't trust it. I just can't.
The feeling, by the way, is closely related to that clawing, desperate feeling that overwhelms you when a situation is completely and utterly out of your hands.
I am so rambling right now.
My boss has surprisingly big feet. He's so funny when he'll allow himself to let go for a moment. He gave me something yesterday and told me that he was a good boy about writing something on the form. Or something. It was cute. And he also has the habit of saying "I" or "we" when he really means "you" (as in I'll be doing whatever it is he says "we'll" be doing) and he laughs when he does it because he feels bad for handing off menial crap to me. I don't mind. It keeps me busy. Though sometimes I think he laughs because I so readily accept the job, no matter how tedious (?). Which then makes me think he thinks I'm dumb. Which sets off a whole new set of insecurities I've developed since starting this job. I mean, seriously. I'm about as insecure as I've ever been at a job. I don't really know my coworkers very well, there are too many awkward pauses and silences, and I don't know anything (comparatively speaking).
Rambling. Must shut up.
posted by Absurdity at
7:37 PM
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